Jungle Of Books

Somebody Loved by The Weepies

2009-01-13T03:02:00.000-08:00

Be carry away by the lyrics.
And be loved by the melodies.
This song has its meaning that i don't understand..
Yet feels so comfort.. In this broken heart..

Somebody Loved

Rain turns the sand into mud
Wind turns the trees into bone
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved

Nights when the heat had gone out
We danced together alone
Cold turned our breath into clouds
We never said what we were dreaming of
But you turned me into somebody loved

Someday when we're old and worn
Like two softened shoes
I will wonder on how I was born
The night I first ran away from you

Now my feet turn the corner back home
Sun turns the evening to rose
Stars turning high up above
You turn me into somebody loved

Whispering words in my ear

2008-11-07T03:04:00.000-08:00

Broken hearts are never healed. They haunt us for a life time.

Our past teaches us lessons that make us more human.

I carry them with me, hoping to feel some comfort…

天真

2008-10-06T03:25:00.000-07:00

我相信，选择放弃的人不会成功，成功的人决不放弃。

今天的我，是这样熬过来的。

这是我的天真。

我真的很可笑。。

Better Man

2008-09-29T00:51:00.000-07:00

I have this strange feeling following me for a while..

I can’t seem to understand what is it or why i am having this feeling..

Frustrated and in the condition of don’t know what to do..

Feel like giving up everything and just run away..

Away from everything and everyone that i know..

Then i hear this song —->> Better Man by Robbie William..

Every single words in this song speaks to me.. And express my feeling..

I still dunno what’s the feeling?? But this song express me..

Better Man

Send someone to love me, I need to rest in arms
Keep me safe from harm, In pouring rain

Give me endless summer, Lord I fear the cold
Feel I’m getting old, Before my time

As my soul heals the shame, I will grow through this pain
Lord I’m doing all I can, To be a better man

Go easy on my conscience, Cause it’s not my fault
I know I’ve been taught, To take the blame

Rest assured my angels, Will catch my tears
Walk me out of here, I’m in pain

As my soul heals the shame, I will grow through this pain
Lord I’m doing all I can, To be a better man

Once you’ve found that lover, You’re homeward bound
Love is all around, Love is all around

I know some have fallen on stony ground
But Love is all around..

我受伤了，我发现我很孤单。。

我需要一个依靠，我需要被庇护。。

我真的很努力，我没有方向。。

我很惭愧，我很抱歉，我很累了。。

我需要离开, 逃避。。

一个人。。会更好。。

我不懂得爱情

2008-03-04T01:49:00.000-08:00

我真的不懂得俩人关系。
我以为我做得很好。。
看来，不断的付出是不能征服她对我的用心。。
很累了，这样的对待我看不到幸福。。。
可能，这是我的命运。
生命是公平的，我在很多方面都很被祝福。
所以感情方面，不会在我的生命里开花。。。
接受这个事实吧。。不可能会让我幸福的。。看开点吧！就不会有失望了。

能够补救吗？

2007-09-29T23:51:00.000-07:00

每一天，我们都必须面对很多的事务和人，工作上或生活上的。
每一天，我们必须做出很多决定和选择。

每一天，我只是尽心尽力的追求我的梦想。
每一天，我努力的把因该做的事情和工作做好。
我不是完美的一个人，所以;
我会犯错误。
我会做了不对的决定。
我会做了不对的选择。

但！！！
我会承认我的错误，疏忽。
我会为我所做的过失而负责任。
不是为了补救什么。。
而是为了活出一个更好的自己。
这是我的相信。
每个人，都必需为他所做的一切而付责任。。

当一个人做错了什么事情，
不须要一直控告他，指责他。
而是要给他机会好好的解释。
看他是否会付责任，看他能否解决问题。
协助他，然后再劝告他，提醒他不可再这样。
伯伯就是用这样的行动教导我的。。
近来，才发现爸爸和妈妈也是这样对我。。
我很被祝福！！

爸爸妈妈和弟弟们的信任是我信心的基础，
让我能够继续不害怕而勇敢的努力往前进。
朋友和同事的协助与安慰让我感觉到温馨，
是我能够继续面对生活和工作压力的力量。

犯了错误，出现了问题；
像是开车超了速，然后发生意外。
（会害怕，会担心，会伤心，会疼痛。）

被人指责，连累了家人；
像是载了家人开车超了速，然后发生意外。
（会更害怕，会更担心，会更伤心，会更疼痛，也会更内疚。）

朋友和同事的协助与安慰；
像是温暖的海风，让我低沉不下，继续盼望。

爸爸妈妈和弟弟们对我的信任；
像是能医治伤痛的大雨，多多的降下来，让我勇敢和不气馁的面对挑战！！！

感谢我的天父，这样的祝福我！！

伯伯@爸爸

2007-08-04T01:48:00.000-07:00

他是陈康宁，他是我伯伯，
他也是我爸爸。
伯伯去世了，2007年5月27日，星期天。
跟伯伯的关系一直都很好，很好，很好。。
他看着我们长大，也带着我们长大，
他很爱我们（兄弟，堂兄弟姐妹，表兄弟姐妹），
他真的很爱我们，
他不是完美的一个人，
但他。。
很爱我们。。。
大家如果了解伯伯的话，你们会因他的爱，而感觉幸福。。
~~~~~
伯伯的生活很人性。
有甜也有苦。
但，伯伯只会跟我分享甜的，
只有近年来，当伯伯多喝了几杯过后，才体会到伯伯的苦。
伯伯没什么机会读书，但他很天才，
物理和数学是他的天分，
机械和引擎是他的工作，
完美的配搭。
伯伯读的书不多而我也不爱读书，
所以很少教我或跟我谈到功课。
但，伯伯教我人性，教我选择，
也让我学习到兄弟要互相爱护，互相原谅，是真的！
伯伯也教我，事情要看得开。
伯伯也警告我，不可以做犯法的事情，也不可以做害人的事情，
也常常告诉我要多多关心兄弟姐妹（包括堂和表兄弟姐妹）。
~~~~~
曾经伯伯告诉我，有些朋友对他有误会，
非常要好又认识几十年的朋友，他很伤心，也很失望。
但他不能做些什么，也不想解释，因为觉得没有意思。
后来一些朋友知道误会了伯伯，（虽然一些人继续误会伯伯）。
然后伯伯给这些知错的朋友一次机会，一次解释的机会。。
“知道为什么吗？” 伯伯问我，当时我摇头。。
他又说：“我给他们机会解释，并不是想要挽回跟他们的关系。让他们解释是要让他们感觉好一点，安心点。”
伯伯继续的说：“过后，这些朋友就不必来往了。免得让自己DuLan!"
潇洒吧？！当时我马上封伯伯为偶像。
因为这件事让我觉悟，让我不要顾虑太多别人对我的看法，
敢敢做自己！！
不太好的榜样。但，我们的伯伯绝对是潇洒的。。
~~~~~
知道伯伯去世的消息时，是从妈妈的口中知道的。
听妈妈在电话里的语气时，就有不安的感觉了。。
但。。还是真的发生了。。
当时，我想不到什么，也没哭。。
感觉很慌，很害怕，很无奈，很生气。。。。
三个小时的路上，才哭了很多很多很多很多次。。。。
回到了熟悉的地方了，但，听不到看不到熟悉的声音和面孔，
很不习惯，很想哭。。又哭了。。又哭了。。又哭了。。又哭了。。
大家都很伤心。。。
星期天。很累。。很不甘心得睡下了。。
~~~~~
星期一。很累。。更累了。。哭累了。。想累了。。
睡不下了。。很多疑问。。不会问。。
想念伯伯，很不想做其他的事情。。只想要好好地想念伯伯。。
伯伯也不会喜欢这样的。我知道。。
但，我很乱。。我真的很想念伯伯。。。。又哭了。。。。
面对这件事。。我不能坚强起来。。。
~~~~~
妈妈和姑姑们说我放不开。。
是的，我是放不开。。应为我爱伯伯。。我很不甘心。。
我希望。。我想伯伯知道，我是爱他的。。
想起伯伯交待过，“事情不要留到最后一分钟才做。”
很大的可能是我的错。。希望会原谅自己。。
因为伯伯也说过，要好好的过生活，有钱没有钱不重要。
但，一定要有内涵，要精彩。。
~~~~~
每个人都有好有坏。
我觉得，不可能有个完完全全满足你的要求的人出现。。
好好地跟人相处很难，跟朋友也难，跟工作伙伴更难，跟家人，很大的可能更更难。。
我从伯伯的身上学到要体会，要原谅！！
我，真真心心的求求大家，伯伯如果有什么不对，也都过去了。。。
希望大家说起或想起伯伯的时候，都说他好的事情，因为他的好，多过于不好的。想伯伯时，都想开心的时候，因为他是这样希望的。。
而且说伯伯的不好，他只会觉得“who the fxxk will care！”。更何况我们都会不开心，我会非常的不开心。。
最重要的是，说太多别人的坏话，尤其是不真实的话。你的人格就会被别人坚定在低级的阶层。说话的人不会知道，听话的人，会看出来的，迟早的问题吧了。。
当作是给自己机会修养修养自己的人格吧！让自己开心些，让自己自由些吧！不要再陷在这些没意义的习惯吧！胸膛放宽点吧！！
~~~~~
今天，跟很多伯伯的亲戚朋友谈天，大家都有很多跟伯伯一起的回忆，很多开心和很多让我感到骄傲的事情。

大家都很努力的跟我分享和伯伯一起的回忆。大家都很记得伯伯的事情，讲的话，修的电单车，等等。。

从大家的分享，我可以说："伯伯，你过着平凡的生活，但有很丰富的人生经验，你是了不起的伯伯，而，我为你感到非常骄傲！大家都会很想念你."
~~~~~
七姑跟我说, 很可惜伯伯这一生没有机会尝试当爸爸的滋味.

伯! 我告诉你, 我们三兄弟跟你之间, 你有让我们尝试到当儿子的滋味. 我们真的希望我们都有让你尝试到当爸爸的滋味.. 哪怕只有那么一点点... 我们真的这么希望...

我们会常常想埝你, 时时记得你的劝告, 记得你的笑容, 记得你的歌声, 都是很美很好的......

~~~~~

看到了吗?!?!

2007-02-27T00:09:00.000-08:00

騎在白馬上的不一定是白馬王子,

他很有可能是唐僧。

有長翅膀的不一定是天使，

他很有可能是鳥人。

天使的魔法。。溫暖中慈祥。。

2007-01-30T00:46:00.000-08:00

這次回家的感覺都很好。。
媽媽的腳沒痛了。。
買了兩雙鞋給她。。被罵了一頓（因爲貴了點）。。但感覺很溫馨。。
忙了兩天。。家裏乾淨許多了。。感覺也很好。。
離開之前，到媽媽的店，多看她幾眼。。
其實是喜歡看到有她的畫面。。喜歡她的聲音。。
卻讓我更加不捨得離開。。（每次都是這樣）
上車的時候，媽走出來，可能也想看我多一下吧。。（其實是要交待我吃少點）哈！！
上路的時候，再經過媽的店。。
她還在門口，跟隔壁銀行的保安員談天，雙手交叉。。
我經過時，她望著我，對我微笑，表示不要擔心。。

那一刻，我發現，媽媽真的很美麗。。

我愛你！！

Hope for useless??

2007-01-16T19:26:00.000-08:00

當還有人罵你或責怪你的時候，表示他對你還有希望。
當沒有人罵你或責怪你的時候，不要開心，很可能他對你失望了。
當一個人什麽都不說，只用失望的眼神看看著你的時候，
你真的需要檢討了。離開吧！！

Happy New Year..

2006-12-27T01:02:00.000-08:00

Promises are very heavy responsibilities..
Could be a hard burden as well..
Last year I promise myself to live a better life..
To fight for what I truly want..

Yet.. Tons of tons of problems keep getting in my way.. (Could be excuses)
And everytime I try to bounce back.. Must have some problem again..

Bla.. bla.. bla.. Bla.. bla.. bla..

I think I should forget about the past already..
Should do a better plan for my 2007..
Hhmmm...

Today roughly note down what i want for 2007..

1st
To get my beautiful mother retired,
and have her move down to JB with me.

2nd
Well.. To get my mother to JB,
Must have a house with space for her to do gardening.

3rd

To get the car that haunted my dreams for month..

Just roughly note these 3 items down.. Actually have tons on plans..
If free will share all la..
Busy now...

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!

MAY YOUR 2007 IS ALWAYS
HEALTHY & HAPPY!!

Freaking Me..

2006-12-25T23:38:00.000-08:00

Remember in end of 2005 I told a friend of mine that 2006 will be a important year for me..
Now.. 2007 is just few days away..
I've been thinking for the past few days..
What have I done for year 2006???
Nothing.. ..
What have I achieve in year 2006???
Nothing.. ..
In 2005.. I have plenty of plans for 2006..
I start 2006 with hope and energy..
But I don't know why..
I haven’t achieve what I aim..
Somehow.. Something must be wrong somewhere.. I screw up..
These few days.. Many things run in my mind..
I like what I’m doing now.. I have faith in what I’m doing now..
But.. It’s too slow for me..
If I start doing something else..
I have to start all over again..
Maybe it’s my attitude..
Maybe I should be more focus..
Maybe I have to be more hard working..
Maybe I have to be more selfish.. .. .. ..
I don’t know.. Just writing what’s in my mind now..
I JUST FEEL VERY FXXK UP AND SIEN….
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH ME??
WHAT DO I NEED TO BE BETTER??

I'm sorry Dear GOD..

2006-12-07T23:49:00.000-08:00

This entry is to apologise for my last entry..
I am here to say sorry for letting you all see my weak side..
But i'm not going to hide that i have very weak side in me..
I'm sure we all will.. Because.. we are only human..
We have our limit..
To GOD,
Dear God.. Sorry to have dout in you..
I'm in a very un-stable emotion while i write that entry..
And sorry to have not enough faith in you.. Forgive me..

To Live A Life

2006-12-06T12:04:00.000-08:00

Something happen lately, and it get me into thinking again..
It happened so fast anyway even I've been prepare for it long ago..

And this event truly disturb me.. emotionally..

A dear person close to me will have her heart valve transplant surgery in few hours time..
Her name is Tee May Lian, female, 23 years old, like to laugh, like to have lot of friends around her, like to travel, like to be with her family often, and definitely would like to have a good life to live..

For her, it happen too fast, one month she's jogging 2.5 km and then the other month she fall ill and soon after she find out her heart need a surgery..

All these are too much for her, not to mention all the tests she's been through, the fear she had to take on, the pressure she had to bear.. so on and so on..

Do you know how much guts and braveness you got to have to face all these?? I thought i know.. Until now.. I thought i can face all these well or better if I face the same matter.. Until now..

Today.. 7th Dec 2006, she will have her operation early in the morning, and I'm glad that her mother allow me to accompany her in the hospital today.. Yet I'm very worry and nervous..

Before she sleep I held her hand and pray.. Pray to God to heal her.. Pray to God that nothing will go wrong in the operation room.. Pray to God she can face her recovering stage strongly..
And I feel that I'm so useless.. There is nothing more that i can do to help her.. Only pray.. harder and harder and harder and harder.. I am so confuse.. What is the purpose to have this illness on her?

I try to imagine that I'm in her situation.. and i got scare.. i scare i can feel the knife cutting my chest.. my heart.. i am scare.. i scare of something will go wrong during the operation.. i scare i will lost my memory.. and i scare that i might not recover even after the operation..

I don't know what's keeping her strong and cheerful always?? I don't know how she can face all these mess?? I admire her.. I look up on her.. And i realize that she deserve the care and love from everyone around her.. And she deserve more than what she had now..

And I'm now sitting beside her bed, fail to fall asleep, looking at her sleeping face time to time while writing this blog.. The more i look the more i don't understand why.. Why this shit has to be on her?? Is there any reason?? What if things goes wrong during the operation?? What will she think by then?? Is there God?? Is there Heaven?? What about all the things that she have plan?? What about places that she would like to go?? What about the words that she would like to say??

I can do nothing.. so helpless.. what can writing this to help her?? Feel so weak and so tired.. i really don't know what to do.. I'm so sorry.. i really hope to see her healthy and happy.. .. ..

If have more time.. Do something better..

2006-11-23T21:47:00.000-08:00

Just finish my lunch, so login my friend's blog, http://thepandagirl.blogspot.com
And there's someone post a comment to "stupid" her.
I'm not so sure what's going on..

But.. It get me into thinking..
From what i understand is..
Blog is a place for someone to express their feeling..

But it's just somehow, somewhere and some reason..
Will have some ppl.. I'm not sure why..
Will have some free time to comes up with the idea to post a comment just to try screwing up someone's day..

Well.. like today.. it happen to Panda Girl..

And i recall it happen to a supremely entertaining blog site http://www.kennysia.com/.
The site was so cool and funny..
But.. Still somehow, somewhere and for some reason..
A guy post a comment there about something which have nothing to do with the blog..

What the heck????

If you have enough time to comes up with the idea to screw up someone days..
Why don't just use the time to look into your life..
See what have you not done enough..
Then make plans to makes everything goes right..
Say I love you to those you love..
Say Thank you to those you'd like to thank..
Say Sorry to those you feel sorry for..

I nearly die few years back in an accident..
A car with four passengers in it ran over me..
In the process.. I see images and .. bla bla bla..

What i'm trying to say is.. before everyone pass away..
They will look back in their life..
See things that they have done..
See the ppls in their life..

SO..................
If u really have enough time..
Think of the one you love..
Give them a call..
Or just a simple SMS will do..
Tell them you love them..

Not post a nasty comment in someone blog...
And regret about what you've done when your time has come..

2006-11-20T19:57:00.000-08:00

Create this blog because to put a comment in panda's blog....
What a life..
Hope this site is good...